beanBaking: A Slutty Chocolate Cake

This cake earned its name for good reason. It’s cheap, easy, messy and unapologetically indulgent. You should probably avoid it, but you won’t because now you know it exists! The next thing you know, you’ll be licking glossy, melted chocolate off of... well, that's up to you.

This chocolate cake doesn’t care about your diet, your plans, or your reputation. It’s basic, dense and perfectly inappropriate in all the right ways. It's a one-bowl miracle that smells so good. It will look like you made an effort but it barely counts as work. No mixer. No layers. No judgment. Just promise of something sinful happening on your counter. It's chic and sexy in a European way.

Why so ‘Slutty’?

This cake doesn’t pretend to be anything it’s not. She's reckless and somehow gets away with it. The whole thing feels like you shouldn’t, but you absolutely must. Don't complain, don't explain. Go for a walk after. I like my slice with a cup of coffee in winter or summer. It doesn't matter. I don't particularly like cake or chocolate, and I would do bad things for this dessert. Make it!

The Slutty Chocolate Cake Recipe

Cook Time: 35 minutes

Total Time: 2 hours (because you’ll need to cool it… and yourself)

Ingredients

For the Cake

• ⅞ cup (110 g) baking flour

• ⅞ cup (175 g) brown sugar

• ½ cup (45 g) Dutch-process cocoa powder, sifted*

• 1 tsp baking powder

• ¼ tsp baking soda

• ¼ tsp fine sea salt

• ⅓ cup (80 g) full-fat sour cream

• ¼ cup (56 g) butter (not melted)

• 2 eggs, room temperature

• 2 tsp vanilla extract (ideally from Mexico)

• scant ½ cup (100 g) hot brewed coffee or espresso

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For the Frosting

• ⅓ cup (80 g) heavy cream

• ¼ cup (56 g) unsalted butter, cubed

• 2 oz (56 g) dark chocolate (60–70%), chopped

• ⅓ cup (67 g) sugar

• ⅓ cup (30 g) Dutch-process cocoa, sifted*

• ⅓ cup (80 g) full-fat sour cream

• 1 tsp vanilla

• pinch of fine sea salt

  

For the Cake:

1. Preheat your oven to 325°F. Grease and line an 8-inch round pan with parchment.

2. In one bowl, whisk the dry ingredients. In another, mix the sour cream, oil, egg, and vanilla.

3. Combine them and then pour in the hot coffee or water. It’ll look suspiciously thin — don’t panic. It thickens as it bakes.

4. Pour into the pan, smooth it out, and bake for 35–40 minutes until the center bounces back. Cool completely.

   
   

For the Frosting:

1. Melt cream and butter together in a saucepan.

2. Stir in the chocolate until melted and smooth.

3. Add sugar, cocoa, and salt — whisk until it looks like brownie batter.

4. Finish with sour cream and vanilla for that glossy, slightly sinful shine. Let it thicken a bit before spreading.

5. Slather it all over the cooled cake like you mean it.

This cake is a mood. A recovery plan. A middle-of-the-night craving that doesn’t apologize.

Bake this and you’ll understand why it doesn’t behave like a “nice” cake. If you want to dress it up, sprinkle sea salt on top and homemade whipped cream... You know why.